Gift of Blessing

Logos4-02This blog has now moved to and here is the story behind it-

A couple of years ago, I told a friend that I hated change. The last year and a half have brought volcanic change to my landscape. Initially it was all loss, beginning with the devastating sudden death of my wonderful husband Trevor, followed by the loss of our home and the consequential loss of my church, the loss of my work, the death of our dog and the death of my mother in law and a dear friend. Honestly sometimes I am still reeling, sometimes still feeling traumatized, sometimes still overwhelmed with grief.

Yet as I look back, I see how God has cared for us, through dear friends and family.  A group of them didn’t want me to stop writing and speaking and we shared a vision to see lives rooted in the love of God, to bear everlasting fruit. Gift of Blessing Trust was formed and I am finding healing in writing and speaking. I have a wonderful new church and I find that when I go seeking to bless others, God is so very present. I have a new home for the next few years and I see glimmers of a future.

I have never so needed to trust, never felt so broken, never been so in need of God’s help.  But as I daily bring my pain to God, I am beginning to see what it means that blessed are those who mourn. And I pray that this great excavation of my life will be filled with love as I run into the Father’s embrace.

prodigal son

This beautiful picture was painted in memory of Trev. Today I was struck that Jesus never sends anyone away. What a promise. Again and again, those who came to him had hardly begun the journey of righteousness but he heard their cries for help.  I am holding onto that.





“Many O Lord are the wonders you have done!” Psalm 40:5

Where is the wonder in your life?

If wonder has been suffocated by all the stuff and the busyness and the worries and the weariness, then wake up to wonder today. Lift your eyes to our wonder-full God.

“If I tried to tell of the wonders you have planned for us, there would be too many!”, sings David.

See the sky, let your mind soar beyond the clouds to the galaxies and gasp at the splendour of the Creator of infinite beauty. A lifetime couldn’t only see a fraction of this stunning world that he has made. Even the most gifted artists and poets cannot capture the breadth of it all, from the delicate detail and splashing colours of a butterfly’s wing to the crack of lightning shearing the sky, from the majestic mountains sparkling with snow to a baby’s fingers clutching your hand.

Wonder that the Creator of it all laid down his crown to crown you with his tender love.

Wonder that the Lion of Judah became a lamb slain for you.

Wonder that death didn’t win.

Wonder that he makes all things new.

Wonder that you are wonderfully made to be a home for a wonder-working God. (Psalm 139 and John 14:24).

“You are full of wonder” sang Emilie Sande at Glastonbury. “You are full of wonder!” We have been created to be full of wonder.

Doesn’t it change how you see the person next to you if you trust this truth? Sometimes we are like oysters, the outer shell doesn’t look like much but keep digging and you will find the pearl, the wonder inside.

In the words of Amanda Cook’s beautiful song,
“May we never lose our wonder,
wide-eyed and mystified,
may I be just like a child
staring at the beauty of the King
– for you are beautiful in all your ways.”

True worship is always filled with wonder.

“Who is like you-
Majestic in holiness
Awesome in glory
Working wonders?” Exodus 15:11

Wonder brings hope. The world is shaky and so many around me are gloomy. We can all think of those we love who need God to do a miracle. Yet we are not cast down because we have a God of signs and wonders.

Remember the wonders he has done and take heart. Be filled with wonder at what God will do for you.

“Consecrate yourself to God for tomorrow he will do wonders among you!” Joshua 3:5


Shafts of Glory

My beautiful  friend Sonja died on May 18.  The French doors in her room overlooked water flowing into a pool. There were the lightest of gauze voile curtains, a veil through which you could see bright sunshine and the water.  Our friend Amanda lovingly journeyed with her to the end and describes how the Lord was tangibly present. The day before Sonja went to glory, Amanda wrote to me of,

“The voile curtains billowing… the veil and the living water and the brilliant Light the veil reveals behind.”

Sometimes I live life as if there were a concrete partition, not a veil between me and the eternal. As if Jesus hadn’t died. As if the Holy of Holies in the temple was still barred by an impenetrable curtain.

But we are welcome to enter in,

“We have confidence to enter the most holy holy place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way, opened up through the curtain, that is his body….  ” Hebrew 12:20

Through all the grief that has come with Trevor’s death and Sonja’s death, there have been shafts of glory, moments where the bright light of eternity has broken through the clouds.

It was precious that my final time with Sonja was reading from The Gift of Blessing book while my sister in law gave her a beautifully scented hand massage.  Then I read from Psalm 27 which expresses that deep longing to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and Sonja joined in from memory.  She is gazing now on the Lord in all his glory.

But we don’t have to wait to know God’s shining face. We are welcomed through the veil. And as Andrew Murray so wonderfully writes in his commentary on Hebrews, Jesus secures not only our entrance but our abiding there.shaft

God’s like that

prodigal son

In all the pain of the past months, there have been surprising moments of great joy. One of them was the day that this picture was put up in honour of Trevor in the hall of the primary school where I am chaplain. The outline was drawn by an artist at school and every child played a part in painting it. Different classes embroidered the leaves by hand. It is life-size and one of the most stunning pictures of the love of God that I have ever seen.

Those of you who knew Trev will remember how he loved to act out the story of the Prodigal Son who literally had to turn round 180 degrees to stop going his own way and come back to his dad. Trev would describe how God always runs to meet us when we come back to him and then throws his arms around us. The artist told me that the headteacher of the school (who became a Christian through Trevor and Holy Trinity Church) insisted that this picture had to depict that all-embracing love.

I had the huge privilege of talking to the kids about this painting and the love of God. I told them that I knew that they would forget lots of things about their school when they left but I wanted them to remember this thing – that’s what God is like. Whenever you turn round to come back to him – that’s what God’s like. He hurls his arms around you to draw you near.

Trev’s final talk was on this verse – “We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him” (Romans 8:28) This was just one of a number of moments where I have seen God doing exactly that for us.

What’s God like? God’s like that.

We choose prayer not rage #adayofprayer

IMG_2204 (1)How do we handle the news of the past month? I have heard too many stories of children dying – in famine in East Africa, as refugees drowning in the Med, in bomb-blasts in Manchester and London and recently in Kensington, just six miles from our home. One of our church staff team lives in the top of a tower block round the corner to us and he could see the blaze of Grenfell Towers from his flat. Every tragedy was avoidable but it is especially hard to swallow the fact that the last one apparently had a price-tag of £5000 for better cladding for the tower. Grenfell Towers has become a powerful symbol of the division between rich and poor in our country.

How do we respond as Christians? A friend, Sean Doherty pastors a church beside Grenfell Towers; this was his tweet from earlier this week,
“Very moving time together this morning @StfrancisW10. Nearly everyone has lost someone eg friend, classmate. So good to be together to pray.”

“So good to be together to pray.” At this time of unrest and anger and division in our world, God is calling us first to come together and pray so that we can act with his help. Tomorrow is being called a day of rage in London; I love it that the bishop of Kensington is calling us to choose prayer instead #adayofprayer.

How do we pray? Perhaps tears are the most powerful prayers of all. But I have been helped by praying from Isaiah 61, words that Jesus made his own,

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.

“Father, we are overwhelmingly thankful that you anointed Jesus by your loving Spirit to proclaim good news for the poor. So much tragedy is fueled by poverty and we are deeply sorry for the times we have failed to stand for the poor. Thank you for all your church is doing in troubled places in our world; bless Sean and countless others as they share your love. Anoint us to proclaim your good news”.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

“We cry out for the broken-hearted. Send us in the power of your Spirit to bring freedom to those who are captive to anger and hatred. Comfort us and make us comforters to those who mourn.”

….to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.

“You are the one who can bring beauty from ashes, even the ashes of Grenfell Towers. Your love is unfailing; all our hope is in you.”

They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.

“Father, how we love you that you rebuild our lives from the rubble. Empower us to rebuild and renew ruined cities. This is the day of your favour – of your shining face. May we shine in every dark place so that the splendor of your love may be known.”




Recently we were on Giant’s Causeway in Northern Ireland and I saw a sky that shouted out the glory of God so loudly that it made me want to join in. When buildings and busyness aren’t crowding our lives, the heavens eloquently declare the glory of God. (Psalm 19.1)

When did you last catch a glimpse of glory? I cannot see how a purely materialistic explanation of our world can explain why my heart could burst with the beauty of a clear night sky scattered with a million stars or why I am filled with praise watching the snow sparkling over mountains or the early morning mist covering Richmond Park with golden light. Why should I be enthralled by a lightning storm on the Cornish coast which lit up the foaming waves while the wind buffeted me so powerfully that I had to fight to stand?

“Lord show me your glory” prayed Moses. What a prayer for us to pray!

God replied Moses with an answer even greater than all the beauty of creation. We are told that he showed Moses his goodness. This is holy ground.

How about praying Moses’ prayer today? I am praying it, with awe, because it is such a huge prayer to pray.

It is prayer that leads us straight to Jesus. As I was musing on God’s glory, I was reminded of this extraordinary verse in Hebrews –
“The Son is the radiance of the glory of God”, (Hebrews 1:3).

Jesus is more beautiful and more wonderful than anything you have ever seen. He is the radiance of the glory, the expression of God’s goodness.

Lord, show me your glory.

Bridging the gap

How do you respond when the pressure is on? Where do you go for comfort and help? Do you reach for the chocolates or crack open a bottle? Or do you hit out at whatever unlucky individual is nearest? When stress hits, do you go for fight or flight? Are you fists up or head down? Are you rhino or hedgehog?

What did Jesus do at the worst of times? He didn’t blame, he didn’t run, he didn’t hit out, he didn’t hide. He prayed.

Luke says, “Being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly” (Luke 22:44)

In the toughest week of his life, we see Jesus praying the longest prayers. And they weren’t navel-gazing, self-preservation prayers. They were prayers of surrender and they were prayers for us.
If you have some time in the week leading up to Easter, look at what Jesus prayed in that week of his life in John 17 because in it we have a glimpse of what God most wants for us,
“I want those you have given me to be where I am and to see my glory”.

Jesus is facing the lonely scary prospect of the Cross and how does he respond? He prays for us. He pours out his longing that we would be with him. All the blame for the Cross should be on us and Jesus is saying, Father, I want these ones who will cause such pain to be with me forever. Oh, how he loves us. If we realised how much Jesus wants us near, we would run to him today.

As I write this, I am in Wales with my boys and I can feel my happiness steadily climbing like a thermometer in the sunshine. I love it when they are with me. Yet it astonishes me that God feels the same about us. God loves to have us with him.

That’s the prayer at the crux of the Cross – God’s desire to have us with him.

A few weeks ago, I visited Rome and of course had to join the 25,000 others cramming our way into the Sistine chapel. As we walked out, my son commented on the fact that there was no joy to be seen on the painted figures that decorate the chapel. Every face was frightened or severe. It is an extraordinary visual feast but spiritually it is bereft of the gospel. The image that imprinted itself on my mind was the gap left between man and God. In Michelangelo’s world, God is ultimately untouchable.


The gospel declares that Jesus came to bridge the gap so that we can bridge it too.. He prayed so that we can pray.

Isaiah opens up the deepest mystery of all, that the cross is itself intercession,
“For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.” (Isaiah 53:12)

As Jesus hangs on the Cross, he is offering himself as a prayer, appealing to the heart of the father that our sins might be forgiven so that we might come home to be with him. The joy is that this prayer is perfectly tuned to the will of the father so the answer is a yes that rings through our eternity.

As he makes intercession by pouring out his life, he articulates it with his first words from the Cross,

“Father forgive them…”

This is is much more than his loving prayer for those around him – this is ultimately the prayer of his whole life on earth. He is born and dies that we might be forgiven, that we might be with him.

As you meditate on the Cross this Easter, consider Christ praying for you, pouring out his life to make intercession for you – that you might be forgiven, that you might be with him – and allow him to draw you near.

And next time stress hits, remember that you can pray because he did.


Have you got a favourite remedy for winter blues? How do you brighten up a colourless, damp, dank day? Here’s mine. Build a fire.

I lit a fire in our garden and watched as flames touched dry sticks to life and warmth, lighting up our faces. This is what our winter world needs – men and women ablaze with Christ.

A fire draws a crowd. At my nephew’s wedding, there was a bonfire like the bonfires I remember from my childhood, set in a huge field. It was almost scarily hot and gloriously bright, darting sparks up to the stars, towering above us all as we drew near to the warmth.

The apostle Paul said, “Don’t quench the Spirit.”

That took me aback. Could little me quench the powerful Spirit of God? Evidently I can. We can grieve the Spirit. When I choose ingratitude, when I refuse to hear his voice, it’s like pouring a bucket of water over the fire that God has placed in my heart.

If your fire has dwindled, ask the Father to fuel it with his burning love for you. Don’t let it die down into ashes, find others on fire to set you blazing.

Sometimes I do the opposite to fuelling; I wrap myself up with comfort and complacency. But even a ziplighter can’t catch fire without oxygen. A box full of ziplighters unexpectedly came through unscathed in a huge warehouse fire because they were all shrink-wrapped. It’s only by being open to the breath of God, to the wind of his Spirit that we catch fire.

Fire warms, fire purifies, fire draws, fire fascinates. How our world needs a church ablaze with the love of God.

Thou who camest from above
The pure celestial fire to impart
Kindle a flame of sacred love
On the mean altar of my heart.
John Wesley

Pour out your heart

Trust in him at all times!
Pour out your heart before him
For God is our refuge
(Psalm 62:8)


One of my favourite games as a kid was rigging up old curtains across the sofa to make a den.  It was my place where I hid away, played games and felt safe.
Where’s your refuge? This week, I spoke to a little girl at the school where I am chaplain. She told me about her hiding place under a table at home where she goes when there is shouting. It’s her refuge. She liked this verse from Psalm 36:
How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!
People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
Imagine a little chick hiding under an eagle’s wings – utterly secure. That’s us.
Where’s your refuge? It’s important we pick a trustworthy refuge.  Another top childhood game of mine was “It” which I played for hours with my younger brother. One day we decided to make the window seat into “Home”. It’s a flawed plan to view an upstairs window seat as a safe place. As I chased my brother, he raced towards the window seat at full pelt and I vividly remember my horror as I watched him go straight through the window.  Amazingly he survived but we found a new “Home” for our game!
We have a much better refuge – one that we can “trust at all times”. Our loving God is so trustworthy that we can pour out our hearts to him and know that they won’t go flying through a first-floor window and hit the ground.
What does it look like for you to pour out your heart to God? Have you ever done it? It is a bit scary, rather demanding because it entails being real with him. One of my favourite moments this last Christmas was when Dave from our church told his story of coming back to God after decades away.  The short version is that everything changed when he prayed a heart-felt prayer to God.
That’s stuck in my mind. It’s too easy to go through the motions, not to deeply trust ourselves to God, to barricade our hearts. God invites us to pour out our hearts, our hopes and fears and dreams, our love for him and as we are known by him, he will be known by us.
I wonder what holds you back from pouring out your heart to God? Sometimes I don’t like what’s in my heart and I am not sure that God will. Here is reassurance:
“Those who take refuge in you will never be condemned” (Psalm 34:22)
Our hiding place is no less than Christ himself, Christ who was condemned so that I might not be.
So I can pour out my heart to the Almighty who loves me, who cares about the deepest secrets and hidden longings of my heart. He knows me so well that he alone can unearth the buried pains and set free soaring joy.

“I will trust you Lord today and pour out my heart to you for you are my refuge.”